By Jarrel Phillips
Please share if you wish.
It’s one of my truth post and some of you aren’t going to wanna keep reading this but I encourage you to. Not all of this pertains to you but something within this does. If it isn’t for you you shouldn’t get offended. With love.
Of course we matter. Duh! Black lives. Black existence. Black perspectives. Black bodies. Black love. Black heritage. Black culture. Why are we even having to say this shit?! Still??
Most of y’all “allies” are disgustingly self righteous and I’m not just talking about white people. After y’all are done posting and protesting go home and think about all the things you’ve done to create and perpetuate these narratives. How your words and actions have triggered, isolated, hurt, invalidated, taken for granted the Black people in your lives… if you have any. And I am talking about Black people from the United States (though I love my family from everywhere). I’m talking about the one’s y’all be scared of. The ones that make you uncomfortable. The ones you can’t seem to relate to. The ones that actually talk about black issues that you avoid.
If you can’t own that and are not aware of it you will continue these behaviors and cycles because you are not accountable for your actions. After you’re done holding police and whomever is being blasted on social media accountable go check yourself . I’d say some of you are ignorant/unaware but the crazy part is some of you really are aware of it but won’t own your actions and participation. And you’re so unapologetic and indignant about it… and quick to point the finger. Some of you truly don’t even know how to say sorry for starters… we learn this shit in elementary. Of course, you must right your wrong where applicable as well. Your sorries are often empty and not enough, especially if you are a repeat offender.
And, I know you have “Black friends” or people you know. Lol. You may consider me to be one of them. I got love for all of y’all. And so I’m telling you protesting, donating, posting are not enough. Who are you every other day? I’ve seen you in action. I see what you don’t factor. I see what you don’t say or admit. I see how you point fingers. I see how you take over. I see how you can’t fall back. I see how you don’t call out your friends. I see how you claim solidarity and community. I see how your problems and triggers take priority over ours. I see how you “share space”. I see the emptiness on your words. I see how you must lead (dominate) everything. I see what y’all mean by “inclusive”. How your way is the right way. How your values and lack there of get prioritized. I am disappointed in myself that I can even be the least bit appalled by the fact that some of you are just seeming to get any of this. But I don’t trust it. It gotta reflect in your lifestyle. And most of you do it at your convenience.
Be careful what you teach. Some of y’all are raising the next Amy Coopers, corrupt cops, Zimmermans and shit. You do realize that what you do not teach is teaching, right? You know to socialize your dogs but don’t know how to socialize your kids. I see how you teach entitlement to your kids (no consequences, thus no cause and effect or accountability). They can do nothing wrong is what you are teaching them. You’re telling them that sorry fixes everything. You love the schools and curriculum that let them “do whatever they want” to no avail, which develops and acknowledges their individuality over all else. It is important but their collective identity and awareness needs just as much focus. They have to understand how their actions impact the group. But they won’t if you don’t teach them. Teach them why we can’t always just do what we want. Why it is important to acknowledge and talk about certain things. (I’ve had parents and kids ask me not to mention slavery in my capoeira class… and if you’ve been to my classes i keep everything age appropriate and consider everyone to the best of my ability). Why did I even have to tell them they can go somewhere else? They think because they paid me for a service I owe them. Why must I waste my breath? Have you noticed how precious it is? You can keep your money. I am pointing out the imbalance in your approach. It does have its purpose. It’s just incomplete. They become adults that believe the world revolves around them. You censor everything as though shit doesn’t exist so they fear the unknown, which often includes Black folk. Once more, you’re teaching them by not teaching them and they are watching you. They walk how you walk… Talk how you talk… Joke how you joke. Or, if they don’t like it they try not to be like you… either way it is in correlation to you, the parents, family and teachers. Teach them their heritage. The beautiful parts and the ugly parts so they don’t repeat it. Teach them the lessons you’ve learned. Teach them the importance of heritage. What we inherit and thus what you share, pass down, teach and learn by way of our personal histories. They inherit directly and indirectly from YOU! Then learn and explore some local Black history together to counterbalance and bring truth to the dominant narrative. This will also help bridge the gaps and separation/division. We have so much experience and wisdom to offer.
If this rubs you the wrong way I suggest you read it again and then again. Then go sit with yourself. Go get to know yourselves after you are done pointing fingers because that’s way too easy. Some of y’all are just beginning to feel again thanks to this shelter in place. You didn’t even know you were numb. Feel the discomforts. Recognize your contradictions. What do your actions reflect? What don’t your actions reflect? It’s not just a culture its a lifestyle. And we are all in need of some lifestyle changes. Oh, and don’t go collecting Black friends now. Build a proper relationship with yourself and your family first so you do not bleed on us any more. And to be clear, this is not a sad post. I don’t want anyone’s empathy or sympathy. Some of y’all are apathetic anyway.
We got our own stuff to work on. I’m working on mine. I’m not mad. I was the other day but right now I’m disappointed in being disappointed. Disappointed that I hold back my words ultimately protecting you at the expense of me and people who look like me. Disappointed in the fact that if I really do care about you then I should point this shit out because I can. Right now I’m blunt and honest because that’s part of who i am. This is me. Like it or love it.
A particular quote has been on my heart and mind lately and I think it speaks to all of us in one way or another:
“Hurt people, hurt people.”
Where do you hurt? How do you release? How do you reconcile and heal? I was reminded of my temper a few times recently. I wanted to break something. I wanted to be reckless. Media disproportionately shows black people being destructive when it’s a lot of white people antagonizing and corrupting a lot of peaceful people. We are peaceful people unless provoked. Our lives are always at stake and this means our children. You should understand that. Y’all have kids and families and would do anything for them. I have 7 god children. Why did I feel the need to check in with them to remind them that being Black is a gift and that I got their back no matter what? All of this due to other people’s fear and insecurities.
Lastly, y’all lucky people are just vandalizing property, if anything. We risk our lives daily while some of y’all cry over your fear of leaving the house due to COVID. You’re bitter because some people aren’t being socially accountable and considerate?? How outrageous. Some of you care more about how others’ look at you and about upholding social code/etiquette and expect us to give regard to it as if it we are even given the same regard. We are not factored the same. Haven’t you noticed? Not only are we having to say Black lives matter to no avail, we have to go out and protest risking our lives and families while some of you take footage just to prove you were there?? Y’all think this shit is Carnaval or something and some of you dont even know the true roots of that. Lol. Recognize our restraint when you see people protesting. Recognize it if all some do is “loot”. Recognize that we are at our breaking point and we will not be broken or left for broke. Our children’s lives depend on it. All of them! Yours too.
… and I definitely see some of ya’ll silence. A lot of you